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Molson Canadian 'Rant' Parodies
If you want to view paradies of 'The Rant', click one of the below, other wise, scroll down.
I'm not a Jackeroo or 'The Crocodile Hunter', And I don't live in a rusty old shack with a snake in the Outback...
And I only know Johnnie, Jim and Jack in their liquid form,
Although I'm certain they get me really, really pissed.
I'm an Aussie, Not a Kiwi,
And use Tomato Sauce, Not Ketchup
It's pronounced 'G'Day Mate', not 'GER DOI --- MAATE'.
I can proudly wear my country's flag as a pair of boxer shorts or a shirt,
I follow Cricket, NOT Baseball,
RUGBY, NOT Gridiron,
And the Kangaroo is a pest, NOT a pet.
An Esky is a solid plastic box to keep your beer cold, and doubles as a chair,
And I drink 'V.B' and not 'Fosters'. 'VICTORIA BITTER'!!!
Australia is the Largest Island in the World!
The First Nation to laugh at our own mistakes, and the best part of the Southern Hemisphere.
MY NAME IS DAVE!! AND I AM AUSTRALIAN!!!!!!!!
Cleary, the original author of this rant confused the geography of Greece with Italy. However, the original words have been maintained.
I don't live on Pape and Danforth.
I don't eat souvlaki every night.
And I don't drive a Volkswagen.
And I don't frequent the racetrack or engage in other illegal betting activities.
And I don't know Jimmy, Gus or George from The Danforth,
Although I'm certain they're very very hairy people (especially on their Backs).
I drink ouzo...not beer.
I don't use utensils for baklava.
I believe in open shirts and gold chains at weddings, not ties.
And Yes I do smoke 4 packs of Rothmans Extra Strong Cigarettes every day.
And I pronounce it TZATZIKI, not SA-SEEKEE.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during the world cup... if they ever qualify.
A gyro IS a sandwich, Tzatziki is NOT mayo, and Nana Miskouri IS the best singer of all time,
And it IS pronounced Soo-Vlaki, not Slew-Vakki, Soo-VLAKI!!!
Greece is the ONLY country shaped like a penis,
The FIRST nation of anal sex,
And the BEST part of the Mediterranean!!
My name is Nikos!!! AND I AM GREEK!!!
This rant contains many errors. This seems to be more about India than Pakistan, both of which are not in the middle east. Further only Sikhs from India wear turbans. I have decided, however, to leave this joke unchanged in the collection.
I don't go to flea markets,
I don't worship elephants,
And I don't eat with my hands.
And I don't know Akbar, Rampreet or Mohammed from Brampton, Although I'm certain they're very smelly people.
I eat roti... not pita.
I don't only shower once a week,
I believe in discounts, not full price.
And I pronounce it WHAT, not VHAT.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during a terrorist siege.
A turban IS an article of clothing,
Spicy foods ARE better than mild foods,
And curry is a very tasty dish,
And it IS pronounced Gaun-dee, not Gun-dee, GAUN-dee!!
Pakistan IS a third world country,
The first nation of Cricket
And the BEST part of the middle east!!
My name is Rajiv AND I AM PAKISTANI!!!!
I'm not a cook, an IT guy, or the owner of a Laundromat.
I don't live with my parents,
and I don't eat dog.
And I don't drive a souped up Civic.
And I don't know Ping, Ming or Wing from Markham,
although I'm certain they're very rice, I mean nice, people.
I use chopsticks not a fork.
I don't drive on the sidewalk.
I believe in giving cash, not gifts
And I pronounce it HELLO, not HERRO.
I can proudly fly my country's flag on a tank during a massacre at Tieneman Square.
Dim sum IS brunch, Gwai-Los ARE white folk,
And Jet Li can kick Van Damme's ass anyday.
And it IS pronounced Gon Hay Fa Choi, not Gon HEE Fa Choi, Gon HAY Fa Choi!!!
China is the largest country in Asia,
The FIRST nation of ping-pong,
And the Best remaining communist country!!
My name is FONG!!! AND I AM CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not a construction worker, a bricklayer or a school janitor.
I don't live in a basement.
I don't eat pasta every night.
And I don't drive a Camaro.
And I don't know Tony, Rocco or Gino from Woodbridge,
Although I'm certain they're very, very hairy people.
I drink wine...not beer.
I don't use utensils for pizza.
I believe in open bars at weddings, not cash.
And I pronounce it ESPRESSO, not EX-PRESSO.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during the world cup.
Gelato IS ice cream, Biscotti ARE cookies and Pavarotti IS the best of the three tenors,
And it IS pronounced Broo-SKetta, not Broo-SHetta, Broo-SKETTA!!!
Italy is the ONLY country shaped like footwear,
The FIRST nation of soccer,
And the BEST part of Europe!!
My name is Giuseppe!!! AND I AM ITALIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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